“Only when compassion is present will people allow themselves to see the truth.”
-Gabor Mate
To see the parts of ourselves that need healing, first we need to feel safe. To understand the patterns we unconsciously fall into, the patterns that maybe met our needs at one time but are now no longer meeting our needs, first we need to feel know that we will not be judged or shamed for using them at all.
When we feel vulnerable, we go into strategies of protection. We don’t mean to do it. It’s just what we do if we don’t feel safe. Usually these are strategies that *kind of* meet our needs but never quite bring us the relief we’re looking for. We’re left craving more and we don’t usually understand why. We may think we need more of this strategy that was kind of working OK. We may work really hard to give ourselves more of this thing we think we need, thinking it would work better if we just had more of it but it’s never quite enough. We find ways to get more and yet, we never feel a sense of peace.
Compassion creates the safety we need to get curious. Understanding the needs beneath our actions gives us space to see ourselves with softness. We’re all human. We’re all trying to figure things out with the resources we have available.
Looking at our truths is such a vulnerable act. Before we can get vulnerable, we need to feel safe, we need to trust that our deepest hurts will be held with compassion. Once we better understand the needs we’re trying to meet, we get better at choosing strategies. We have safety to try something different, a chance to learn and heal. But first, we need to rest in compassion.
It’s possible to develop self compassion. It takes a lot of reflective practice but it’s possible to create our own sense of safety. We can also receive compassion from others. When we find this sense of safety, when we find compassionate people to say aloud what we did or what we said without being judged for it, it feels like exhaling. It’s such a relief to find that safety.
Compassion really is the most loving gift we can give to ourselves and others.
